Hahaha ... (awkward laughs)
Insecurities...
What a fun topic.
It's been a while since I've posted... And I know I said that I will post more in 2020, which hasn't really happened yet, but we are only 17.5% into the year so I still have time to redeem myself:P
The reason I wanted to come back with a post about insecurities is that I think this is mostly why I've been held back from posting on my blog. I don't know. I usually use being busy with school work as an excuse for not posting, but really I've just been trying to hold this off because I'm afraid.
I'm afraid that I won't be able to think of anything to write.
I'm afraid that I won't be able to think of anything GOOD to write.
I'm afraid that people won't read it.
I'm afraid that people WILL read it.
I'm afraid that people won't like it.
To be honest, now that I am writing all these thoughts out, I am kind of annoyed with the voice in my head. As someone who considers themselves a rational being, I sure have a whole lot of illogical fears. (And this is something that I will take the time to elaborate on further)
But I don't want to be held back anymore. I have so many of these thoughts swimming around in my head, some of which have been spilled on to the pages of my notebook, just begging to leak through my fingers onto my keyboard to become a post shared with you guys.
And in my head, I know that I don't have to be held back by my insecurities. In my head, I know that my worth and my value lies not in how much other people appreciate me, but in who I am as a daughter of God. In my head, I know that my posts are powerful. I don't like saying it out loud because it kind of scares me, and also because I don't want to seem like an arrogant prick. (And now that I think about what I just said about people thinking of me as arrogant prick, I kind of realize how stupid that sounds. People don't really think of me as an arrogant prick, right? Unless you do. In which case, please let me know why so I can improve.)
I guess what I wanted to illustrate here is just that I've been living under so much paranoia without even realizing it. But now that I have realized it, I don't want to be held back anymore. I know it won't be easy, but at least now I'm trying.
I want to break free of my fears, and I know that it is possible.
I want to be alive, like REALLY alive. I want to write more because it makes every fiber of my being feel alive. I don't want to let my fears to continue to suffocate me and let me slowly wither and die on the inside.
And I guess as an ending note, I wanted to encourage you to think about the insecurities that hold you back, or the insecurities that make you do things you otherwise wouldn't do. I believe that you can break free of them. At the very least, we'll be trying together.